Photos are up

Check my flickr page for my favourite pictures.

Also Dad has created a slide show from my pictures.

Home Sweet Home

Well I'm home now. I arrived late on Saturday night. Our flight from Cairo, with the exception of some turbulence, was uneventful. When we arrived at JFK we made our way through customs and claimed our baggage to recheck it for the flight to Toronto. I don't know why we couldn't check it straight through to Toronto. Then we transfered from Terminal 4 to Terminal 2. Were we checked in for our flight. We were concerned that two hours wouldn't be enough time to make the transfer, it turns out that due to difficulties on Friday (a power outage over a large area of the east coast of the states?) the airport was dealing with a back log of passengers some of whom had been there 48hrs only to see their flights canceled. We felt very lucky that our flight was only delayed by a couple of hours. Once on the plane we waited for another hour or so before we could take off due to a large line up for runway. We got to Toronto an hour later, flew through customs, claimed our bags and headed for the greeting area. As I came out the door, I searched for a familiar face. I couldn't see him at first, but then I looked up and saw my baby with a big smile on his face. A quick hug and a kiss and then I asked him to help my mom with her bags. Then my Dad insisted that I give Austin a big hug, so of course I did. He picked me up and swung me around, then asked if I had lost weight. :D Then we pulled out the ring box and asked if I wanted the ring back. "Of course I do!"

We looked around for my brother Jason who was suppose to drive my parents home. He had forgotten the flight number and neglected to check the flight status before coming, so he'd left about an hour and half earlier. We squeezed all our luggage, and ourselves into my neon and dropped my parents off at home. With that done, we headed for Austin's house. His parents and Cousin were there, already asleep, by the time we arrived so we quietly slipped in. I collapsed on the futon sofa before Austin had a chance to lay it flat and put a pillow and comforter on it, so I got up and brushed my teeth. When I came back the futon looked mighty inviting, so I slipped under the covers and started to drift off. When Austin came down he tried to get me to use his bed and he would take the futon, but I could not be moved by this time. Thus 26 hours after my 5am wake-up call in Cairo, I fell asleep about 1am in Thornhill.

I spent Sunday with Austin, his parents and his cousin. Then drove home to finally sleep in my own bed for the first time in 4 weeks. I fell asleep immediately, but found myself wide awake around 2am. In order to get over the jet lag I thought it would be better for me to sleep through the night so I took a sleeping aid and slept through till 9 this morning. I got up had some breakfast, and started some laundry. Then I made a list and went to the grocery store. As I walked through the isles of fresh produce and frozen prepared foods, I couldn't help but wonder what the kids at Anajali or Sheepcare would have thought if they were there beside me.

One last thought. On our last day in Nairobi before going to Masai Mara, we had a meeting of all the Nairobi Team members. We were each asked to share what we had learned about ourselves from the mission. I have always known that I can be a bit of a perfectionist, and I can hard on myself when I don't make the goals I've set for myself. I learned from this mission, that God sets goals for me that I can accomplish, and I should be working towards those goals and not my own. I wondered when I left what possible good will I do by going into schools and doing crafts with the children? Will that put food in their stomachs? Will it ensure they get to go to University? These weren't God's goals for my trip. His goals were much more personal. I was to bond with my brothers and sisters in Christ and to learn from their hopes and dreams to place greater faith in God and His grace.

Walking like an Egyptian

We arrived at Cairo airport about 9am and ended up leaving around 12:30pm. We headed straight for the Pyramids and stopped in front of the Great Pyramid. Some people had made arrangements to go in, but when the tour guide said it was hotter inside than outside I was glad I hadn't. Instead we walked around the pyramid. It wasn't as big as I had imaged it to me. Impressive none the less though. We also got a crash course in touring monuments in Egypt. You can't even trust the Tourism Police to do something nice without expecting a tip. I didn't bring any money with me so I couldn't oblige them. After returning to the bus we went to the second pyramid, having seen it on our walk about I stayed in the air-conditioned bus. Then we went to a look out point where we had a panoramic view of all three pyramids. The Sphinx was next. Again smaller than I expected. It was pretty cool though. I took some pictures with Clifford and my parents there. We examined the masonry of the temple at the foot of the Sphinx. It was impressive.

Not having had an opportunity to eat lunch and with breakfast being served at 6am the bus passengers were starting to get a little serly. Our tour guide took us back to the hotel to check in, and clean up for dinner. Check-in was made more complicated than it need to be since the hotel didn't really pay much attention to the room-mate list they were provided. My room-mate got her key and left without introducing herself to me so I waited around for 30 minutes until a master list was found. Much room-swapping "fun" ensued, but I won't focus on the negative here. Dinner was at a restaurant in a palace, very impressive, lots of meat not much veggies. I got bitten by some bugs but only from the knees down! We arrived at the Hotel past mid-night. I was locked out of my room, only to find that the hotel had decided I belonged in a different room again. A porter came to help me into the old room to get my bags, but when I tried to explain my own personal towel was missing he left without a word. I dragged my cases to the reception and when they tried to take my luggage held on and demanded a room first. I then burst into tears. Keep in mind we left the Methodist guest house at 2am in the morning and thus I had been up for over 24hrs. I got to my room and took a while to calm down before I fell asleep. At breakfast I saw the man who had been in charge at reception. He showed me to a table. My parents were at another table that was full, so he went over and invited them to join me. He even carried my dad's bible from the old table to the new table for him. He then showed me how to make a real Egyptian breakfast. I got the royal treatment.

Thursday we visited old Cairo. We saw a cave church, which is to say it was an amphitheatre carved into the side of the rock. It was huge! Its congregation are the "garbage people" the people who scour the dumps to find recyclables and reusable items. Despite their living conditions our guide assured us it was a good living. Their community had schools and hospitals. It is due to the nature of their work that the area looks like it's covered with garbage.

Friday we went to mass at an Anglican cathedral, and then spent three hours at the National Museum.

Saturday we drove to Alexandria and stopped at a monastery along the way. Before arriving in Alexandria we drove for what seemed like 45 minutes past hundreds of condominium style resort villages.

I'm looking forward to coming home soon. Less than one week to go!

Final Days

Well the safari weekend was great. The roads were a little bumpy, but the view was worth it. On the way to our hotel we came across zebras, giraffes and gazelles. We arrived at the hotel about 1:30 in the afternoon and had some time to rest. Then about 4 we went out for our first mini drive (about two hours). We saw a family of Elephants almost as soon as we left the compound gates, and our drivers took us in for a closer look. We even got to see one take a dump! After that we saw more gazelle, wildebeest, zebras, bush bucks, impalas and many other animals the names of which escape me. We also startled some Masai doing their laundry. Then we went back to the Hotel for dinner. Oh to have meat that's cooked properly! To feel safe eating salad! Chocolate cake for dessert!

Sunday was our day long safari, some of the buses opted to visit a Masai village for $20 a head. Our bus did not. Instead, while we waited for them, we came across a cheetah eating his breakfast. We saw many zebras, gazelle, bush bucks, water bucks, impalas and elephants. Just before lunch we managed to find a lion sleeping in the shade. We also saw hyenas, and giraffes. We saw some Ostriches from a distance but only one at a time. For some reason I imaged they would be in bigger groups. We drove out to the far side of the park to see the hippos in the Masai river; there were crocodiles there also. On our last day we went out in search of a leopard but could not find it. Then it was time to head back to Nairobi. Three straight days of bumpy roads took a toll, but I had a good long sleep last night and feel much better today. We went to a giraffe orphanage and feed the baby giraffes. Then we went to the Carnivore restaurant; supposedly one of the top 50 restaurants in the world. I was a little disappointed in the selection of meat. The only exotic meat they had was ostrich. After lunch we went to the market. I went to support mom, as she needed to pick up something for my brother. It was an experience. They started out asking for $205 US and we talked them down to $25. I think we could have done better, but mom had a hard time walking away.

My next adventure will be in Egypt. We'll be leaving the Guest House at 2 tomorrow morning. Looking forward to seeing you all very soon.

Last days,

Well it was been an experience teaching the kids at Sheepcare. I felt at times like I was talking to myself and that they must not be understanding or absorbing anything I was saying. The Class 5 science class was learning about modern food preservation techniques and all I could do was to read straight from the text book and make notes on the board. When I tried to get the class to interact and repeat what I had just said they all looked at me in stunned silence. I think maybe they are not use to that kind of interactive education. Their teach Jonas said I must be a very good teach because I covered so much material and they understood it all! In math they were learning about circles, but no one had a compass so I used a piece of string with chalk and had each student come up to the board to draw a circle with the string. My class with the Form 1's went better in my own mind. We covered capacity and unit conversion between volume and capacity. It took me about three attempts at one of the homework questions to realize that 1 decimetre^3 is equal to 1 litre. Duh! (slaps forehead).

Today one of our team members was sick so I took on one of her classes today with the Class 3s. It was an English class. I read a story from the textbook and went over the comprehension questions with them. That felt like pulling teeth! Only three students wanted to answer the questions. I didn't have time to fit in a class for the Form 1s, so I sat in on their history class. They were all giggling when I came in. I asked why they didn't giggle in my math classes. They had no answer. We had a pretty emotional good-bye though.

On the way back to the Hotel we stopped at the Yaya centre. It's just like a mall you'd find back home. I picked up some Jelly Baby's in the supper market there. Real JELLY BABIES too! Not those new fangled ones that you have to pay $5 for at the specialty candy stores but the real ones! Hmmmmmmm. Ahem. Sorry about that.

Tomorrow we set out for our safari trip. The day starts with our 7am departure followed by a five-hour drive on Kenyan "roads". Can't wait! We will get to see many African animals though, so really I am looking forward to it.

I'm running low on internet time so you may not hear from me for a while. I'll have to see what the access is like from where I stay in Egypt. Two more weeks and I'll be home! Ready to start wedding plans!

Days 7,8 and 9 at Sheepcare Centre.

This week we have been going out to the other side of the city to the Kayole slums. Sheepcare Community Centre has classes for children ranging in ages from 3yrs in the pre-primary classes to 16 in form 1 (grade 9). When we arrived we were unsure of what they would like us to do. We had come prepared to do crafts like we did with the children from Anajali, however they didn't seem receptive to this idea at first. We had a meeting with the volunteer staff and it was decided that each day we would sit in with a particular class. If each of our team covered two classes then each class would get two visits over the week. Instead of doing crafts however we would assist the teachers in teaching the regular curriculum. This was a little scary for some of us, since half of our team are not trained teachers, but then many of the volunteer teachers aren't trained either. I chose to split my time between the form 1 class, teaching math and physics and class 6 teaching math and science.

 

Tuesday was my day to spend with the form 1 class. We covered volume in math class. I went over examples of how to compute the volume of cubes, cuboids and cylinders. I also covered how to convert cubic units, i.e. how many cubic meters are in a cubic centimetre. Then I assigned them 5 examples to work out for themselves. I marked each question as the finished them. They really like to see the check mark on their paper. I stepped aside to let the business & economics teacher do his class and then came back after lunch (12:50 to 2:00) to explain how force pumps and siphons work for their physics lesson.

 

Wednesday was my day to spend with Class 6. When I first came to their class they had a free period, so the head teacher asked if I would do a craft with them. Once she saw all the craft supplies we brought she seemed more eager for us to do crafts with the children. So I pulled out a bag of yarn and popsicle sticks and showed them how to make "God's eyes". So of my other team members have been able to fit the crafts in with the themes of their classes. I haven't managed to do that yet. After crafts it was time for math class, so the math teacher handed me the math text and said they were covering percentages. The students told me which exercise they had left off at and we started from there. I did two on the board as examples and then gave them a four part question to work on for themselves. I marked each part as the completed them because they really seemed to like seeing the check mark. Some even asked me to write "Good" next to their answer. They really seem hungry for approval. I left them with their Christen Education teacher for the next period and had some time to rest my voice before science class. The classrooms are so tightly packed and the noise level so loud it's hard to make yourself heard.

 

At lunch break I took one of the Form 1 girls aside and showed her how to make the friendship bracelet. I gave her some extra thread so she could use it to teach some others in their class. I feel bad that they don't have any free classes to do crafts so I'm trying to show a few how to make the bracelets and then I'll leave a pile of thread for the whole class to use in their spare time.

 

I tracked down the Class 6 science teacher and he gave me their text book. They were learning about food preservation and I was to cover modern techniques such as storing food at low temperatures (using evaporation to cool produce), deep freezing, and canning. When I returned to the class I gave each child a sticker to put in their note books as a reward for doing so well in their math class. Then it was time to leave.

 

The rest of the week is a bit up in the air. I may have an opportunity to return to Anajali to teach Wellington how to use his computer. I'm not sure if that'll be tomorrow or the next day. I explained to Class 6 that I would only have one more day at Sheepcare and that I would share that day between them and Form 1.

Days 3-6

Day 3 Anajali

Today another team joined us at Anajali to help build a new latrine. Wellington the headmaster was busy all day helping them sort out their supply issues, so I spent the whole day helping with the crafts. In the afternoon, I took on a little more than I could handle. I tried to teach 12 class 7 girls how to make friendship bracelets. I had a couple of helpers, one of whom knew how to make the bracelets. However, an hour was just not enough time to show all 12 girls how to get started. Some of them picked up quickly but others did not. I felt like I had let them down and was quite upset with myself. The rest of my team pointed out to me that before we left the girls all wanted to have their picture taken with me and their unfinished bracelets. That made me realize that I had not been a failure, I had just been focusing on the wrong goal. I exchanged mailing address with one of the girls Lillian, and hope to keep in contact with her.

Day 4 Anajali

Today there were two teams with us the team building the latrine and the medical team. Once again Wellington was busy. So we were unable to find time for me to show him how to use his new laptop. I may be able to go back on July 17, but if another team is going I doubt he’d be free the either. I will just have to wait and see. If I can’t I’m sure God will send somebody else. I ended up in three classes in the morning because Tony and I finished our two classes before Mom and Helen started their second. In the afternoon I got my second chance with class 7. We made paper beads, and paper planes. I was happy that they finally had something finished they could take home. Once finished they all took their paper planes outside in an attempt to fly to Canada. Then it was time to say good-bye. We went to each class and gave them a Canada pin. The 7&8 classes got crosses as well. We gave each teach a bag of usefully things for their classrooms. After we finished saying good-bye we returned to the central portion of the school to find that the older classes were preparing a farewell concert. They sang and danced for us, and at one point we were all up and dancing with them. It was hard to finally say good-bye. The primary teacher told us that when she explained to her students that it was time for us to leave, they all wanted to know what craft they would be doing on Monday. She didn’t have the heart to explain we weren’t coming back on Monday.

Day 5 Kitui

We set out about 8:30am for a 3hr drive out into the Kenyan country side. This was my first real experience with typical Kenyan roads. Um, how can I describe them? BUMPY! And driving on a two lane highway was like a combination of leap-frog and chicken. There were several pot holes that sent my mom and I, a few inches off our seats, each time we tightened our seatbelts a little more. Once there we were greeted by about 70 smiling children about to have their midday snack of porridge. We flew kites, played soccer and skip rope. We also had a large parachute with balls to play with the smaller ones. They had a blast with that. This was the first day we had seen the sun and it was quite warm, it didn’t take long for the adults to seek refuge in the shade. The children went on for another hour or so. When it was almost time to leave we were ushered to a table and chairs set up behind the main house. The children marched out and sang for us. What I love about their concerts is all the songs have movements that go along and it’s fun to dance along with them.

On the way back to the hotel we stopped at a handy craft co-operative. We all picked up some beautiful carved wood items.

Day 6 Church

This morning I was up bright and early ready to attend the Nairobi Baptist Church. I was looking forward to an upbeat worship service. Unfortunately there was a misunderstanding and we ended up at the more sedate service. We still had a wonderful time of worship though. The topic was about how Christians should behave in the business world.

Many people went to the Yaya market do some shopping, but I went back to bed to rest. I’ve come down with a cold and don’t want to miss any work days to it.

Day 2 at Anajali

Today was Noah's ark day. Each class contributed to a large mural, by colouring in or drawing or making animals to go in the ark. They also traced their hands on colourfull paper and cut them out. The hands went together to create a rainbow. The film team was on hand so they took photos and some footage of the final assembly process. This was my first opportunity to interact with class 8 and it was a pleasure. I met one boy in particular, Francis who had drawn a picture of a home with two trees. He entitled it, Francis' Homestead. At the end of the day he gave it to me as a gift.

Today was also a bit of a trial. All the teams here in Nairobi are starting to feel the stress. We realized last night that our focus was being taken away from God's purpose and focused on our own. We were all so worried about getting things done the way we think they should be done, and weren't concentrating on what God wants us to accomplish. I think our team has found new focus in this regard, however please pray for the other teams, that they will remember that they are to focus on God's glory and not on accomplishing tasks. Please also pray for health for the whole mission team. Many of us have not felt well since arriving. My stomach was off the first couple of days and when that began to mend, I woke up this morning with a sore throat. The devil really is trying to drag us down with illness and team division. Please pray that he will not be successful.

Work Day 1

Well my first day started out a little rough. I woke with a bit of a belly ache and didn't feel like eating much for breakfast. I had some toast and a boiled egg. We headed out to the Anajali School in on the out-skirts of the Kibera Slums. We were greated warmly by the schools head master Wellington, who proudly introduced us to each of his 11 classes. The first three are preschoolers and they were all in the same class. Then there were classes 1 through 8. Each class had a song or poem prepared for us. It was so great to see them singing and dancing with such enthusiasm. Unfortunately around class 5 I started to feel the effects of my belly-ache and small breakfast. I got weak and faint all of a sudden and had to ask to be excused. I was escorted back to the head master's home where I could put my head down and rest for a bit. I was still able to hear the greeting song from the 8th class which was absolutely beautiful. After our introduction we had some time to plan before we went into the classes. For our first day we went into the first 6 classes and talked about Canada. The children in the 5th level were taking social studdies and had lots of questions about Canada's industry and resources. They directed the discussion which was so refreshing to see. The children here seem so keen to learn and are aware of how lucky they are to have a chance to go to school. Schools in Kenya are free, but the parents have to purchase uniforms and supplies in order for their children to attend. Many parents struggle to feed their children let alone pay for school supplies. Because of my weakened condition I spent much of the afternoon in the Library with the school's library teacher Sam. We cataloged many of the books that we had brought with us to the school for their library. Sam and I had a good chat about Canada and the climate differenced. He was just so thrilled with all the wonderful books. We've managed to fill another three shelves plus we'll be bringing more today. I've also volunteered to show Wellington how to use his computer. So I'm not sure how much time I'll actually get to spend with the kids. I'm not too disappointed though. As many of you know I'm a little awkward around them. I would like to spend some time with them though. They are so wonderful and friendly. As we left last night we were overwhelmed by a chorus of "How are you!"s from dozens of children who were playing just out side the school compound.

I'm feeling much better this morning I think I should be able to eat a proper breakfast and thus be more helpful today.

Greetings from Kenya!

Well, we arrived in one piece, thought I'd be lying if I said it wasn't a bit of an adventure. Our arrival in Cairo was a bit confusing, at one point they insisted on taking our passports and tickets and sent us into a big holding room. That was very upsetting. Then somebody explained that we had all obtained visas prior to arrival. Then they sent us back to were we started still without a clue as to where we should go. Because our layover was almost 12hrs we had been given hotel and dinner vouchers. We didn't realize that we would have to leave the airport to do this we thought we were still considered "in transit", It's a good thing I got a multiple entry visa!

Once at the hotel we were assigned rooms. The room I got had somebody in it already! oops! Anyway we fixed that and I got my own room. I got a shower and had lunch with my parents in the hotel restaurant. Despite the fact that I was obviously with my parents the waiter wasted no time in flirting with me. However I think he was running on less sleep than we were so it came off pretty clumsy and silly. No need to worry Austin, there's no competition here. Anyway, not wanting encounter any more trouble we arrived back at the airport with plenty of time to relax and wait for our flight to Nairobi. We arrived early this morning about 5am. We went about pulling our bags off belt.
However, about 15 people didn't get their bags in the end. No surprise I didn't get either of my bags, par for the course for me. :P I am use to this however so I do have a few changes of cloths with me in my carry on baggage. The bags didn't make the connection in New York to Cairo. They will hopefully arrive tomorrow though.

My observations so far ( a little clouded by lack of sleep and irregular meal times) is that there is a sharp divide between classes here, there are some obviously well off people driving new cars and others who walk along or across busy roads or cram into tiny buses. All the housing compounds are surrounded by brick walls and barbed wire. Thankfully we have some time today to adjust and figure out what we will be doing and where we'll be doing it. The schedule here seems to work "from day to day".

I'll say one thing for our hosts, they are amazing! With very little notice they had a warm meal ready for 100 guests when we arrived from the airport, we didn't arrive until after 9am because we had to report our late luggage and that took longer than one might think.

Anyway I'm going to sign off for now. Just wanted to assure you all that we're safe and in one piece. The people are charming and friendly.

Less than 24hrs to go!

Well, I got my new PIN in plenty of time (see previous post). I hope I don't need to use it but it's nice to have the backup source of cash. I've since discovered that the bank card will be the cheaper way to go for getting money.

My bags have been mostly packed for weeks now, but I'm finding that I've forgotten what I packed. I'll have to poke through tomorrow morning for one last check.

This will be my last post before I leave, so next time I post I'll be in Africa! Maybe I'll even find time to post during my layover in Cairo who knows.

Thank-you for your support. God Bless!

Ack! Less than one week to go!

Yikes! I found out yesterday that I don't actually know the PIN code for my credit card. This is a huge snag since I was counting on it to get local currency when I arrive in Kenya. I've ordered a new one. Let's just pray it arrives in time. I may be able to use my bank card at some machines, it may be more expensive to use it on larger withdrawals though. For now at least I picked up some extra US currency to purchase shillings.

Most everything is packed, except for the stuff that I use on a daily basis. I picked out some books, to read during the quiet times.

Right now I'm some combination of excited and scared out of my wits! Which is resulting in a strangely calm outward appearance.

Anyway I've got to dash off to church now.

God Bless.

A bit off topic, but exciting none the less

I am happy to announce that on Saturday June 9 I became engaged to the love of my life Austin Hung.

Find details here

Getting there

Well I bought a duffle bag with wheels on it and I'm going to use the large suitcase on wheels that I already have and that'll keep me under the dimension restrictions for my checked luggage. Now all I have to do is pack them well. :D

I'm getting through all the craft prep without too much trouble. I even found some pony beads so now I can finish prepping my last craft.

Just over a month to go! Ack it's real now.

Visa Express

So on Tuesday I went to a workshop that was aimed at helping us apply for travel visa's for Kenya & Egypt. It wasn't as difficult as I thought it would be, but it was nice to have somebody at hand that we could ask questions of. They are also going to double check all the applications for us and then send them off to Ottawa to each embassy. That's  a real load off my shoulders now.

Ouch!

Well I had my final appointment at the Travel Clinic yesterday. I got one shot in the right arm and two in the left. One for Yellow Fever, one for Hepatitis A&B and another for Tetanus and a host of other stuff. My left arm is a little sore, but otherwise I'm feeling pretty good. What's left for this month? I need to submit a request to get a police records check because I'll be volunteering with the church and working with kids. I need to apply for entry visas for Egypt and Kenya. I need to finish preparing craft kits for my team. Still need to pick up some luggage and then sit down and figure out how to fit everything in to it. Then I need to get some American cash for tipping in Egypt and Kenya, they like new unworn bills so somehow I need to get my hands on a bunch of fresh $1 bills. I have no idea how I'm gonna accomplish that.

I just received a note from the World Outreach committee at Wishing Well Acres Baptist Church to say that they will be sending a check in support of my trip. It will be welcome. It'll go a long way to covering the vaccinations and visas I require. God has certainly provided for me financially.

Praise the Lord!

Reality sets in

In less than two months I'll be boarding planes to New York then Cairo and finally Nairobi. I think reality has finally hit. I'm starting to freak out just a little. Things I'm freaking out about you ask?

1. Packing, it's not like I haven't done it before. For my 7.5 week trip to Europe I got away with a 10Kg back-pack. This time however, I'm going to experience two different climates as well as more conservative cultures. We're expected to maximize our baggage allowance so that we can pack at least a full bag's worth of supplies to be left behind with our hosts. I don't own one such a bag let alone two. The maximum sized bag we can bring on the plane must measure less that 62in (Height+Width+Depth). The second bag, could be left behind if I manage to pick one up second hand or if I can find a collapsible bag that could work too.

2. Crammed Schedule, the next month is just so packed with preparation for the trip: vaccinations, meetings, craft preparation; and business and personal engagements. I'm feeling just a little overwhelmed by it all. Thankfully my health has been cooperating, I'm just hoping with my non-stop schedule I don't leave myself open to illness.

Anyway I just needed to unload those worries, now that I've done it they don't seem all that huge. After all, I was freaked out about how I was going to afford this trip and God has certainly provided for me. I know that if I allow him to he will continue to provide for me.